Walking home on Sunday night
I passed a couple at a bus stop
Loving each other
With eyes locked into eyes
And arms locked into arms,
And just as I reached them,
I heard him say,
- You know something I’ve always
Wanted to do but couldn’t do?
And though I wanted to stay
And listen,
I knew it wasn’t meant for me,
So I just made up the rest,
- I want to race an airplane on a runway
And win, till it crosses me by,
It’ll be a short race,
I want to bite the end of the cone off
And suck the whole scoop through it,
I want to make love under a streetlight
(To which I’d like to imagine she’d push
him away, but just so)
- I want to play hobo for a day, then take
All the loose change and toss it into the Thames,
Watching the tuppence plop, one by one,
I want to pretend I’m a busker playing an
Exotic instrument, when in fact I’d just be
Beating an old shoe box,
I want to read the Ulysses and get past
Page 255 for once,
I want to burn my laptop, Blackberry, iPad,
(And she would remind him he didn’t have an iPad)
- I want to own an iPad… to burn,
(Yeah right, she’d say, but how will I reach you?)
- Just call my name,
(She’d laugh- That’s silly!),
- Shh… I want to find a magic lamp and wish
That I may breathe you forever,
Breathing me,
So that’s what I thought he’d want to do
That he couldn’t do,
As for me, I wanted to call someone,
And hear her say,
- I was just thinking of you.
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Dr. Manga
Japanese hospitals have not been having a good year.
A man diagnosed with rectal cancer was fitted with an artificial rectum in March. The misdiagnoses came to light recently when the doctor informed him that no cancer cells had been found. Understandably so the patient has decided to sue the hospital for a sum of $416,171.
Is it only me or does it sound like one of those ‘Good news, Bad news’ jokes folks make about doctors?
Doctor: Mr. Smith I have some good news and some bad news for you.
Smith: Hit me with the bad news doctor. If I can handle an amputation, I can handle anything.
Doctor: Er… the bad news is that you didn’t really need that amputation.
Smith: Whaa?!?
Doctor: Yeah but the good news is that the patient in the next ward wants to buy your shoes. By the way, he has an artificial rectum.
Now for the next story. This happened in December 2008, again in a Japanese hospital. What the doctors thought was a big tumor, turned out to be a 3.2 inch towel. That’s not all, the patient had been carrying this towel around for 25 years, a remnant of a minor surgery conducted in the same hospital back in 1983.
That did turn out to be good news for the patient. He’s apparently not suing the hospital. They were trying to figure out how to compensate him. They are also trying to figure out the original color of the towel. According to the Asahi General Hospital spokesperson-
The towel was greenish blue although we are not sure about its original colour
He has also added it had been crumpled to the size of a softball.
I wonder if anyone’s ever left a Rolex inside a patient, and if so, does the patient get to keep it or can the surgeon take it back? Food for thought.
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Rome has the Pope. Pakistan has the Taliban. And Nigeria has its fraudsters. But not for long. The Nigerian Anti-Corruption police has launched a massive offensive against all the colonels and their widows who want to transfer a million dollars into your bank account.
Colonel Mojombo's Widow has Manly Hands!
The deliciously dubbed operation, ‘Eagle Claw’, in conjunction with Microsoft has shut down 800 scam websites and busted 18 email fraud syndicates. Using a mix of super sleuthing and smart technology, the operation should be able to forewarn around a quarter of million potential victims in the next 6 months.
I hear a resounding WTF. Thousands of people around the world still respond to the thousands of mails sent out by these frauds. Greed is a powerful motivator I guess. Then again, there is no limit to human stupidity, and nature follows the law of duality. Light and dark, big and small, the wicked and the dolts.
Just in case you are wondering how the typical Nigerian Scam works, it’s simple, they offer you a million dollars for safekeeping, your reward being the interest earned on the amount. You share your bank details, and they screw you over the processing fees. Needless to say, the promised blood money, oil money, alimony, never arrive. Another nasty version involves hacking into celebrity email accounts and requesting money from their contacts.
Do not fall for a Nigerian Scam. If you have excess money, share it with us. We’ll bless you with a happy marriage and a thousand bonny babies.
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Free Willy or Willy Free?
More pimped out than the bling around Bappi Da’s neck, rest your butt on Whale Penis Leather Seats. You can find the recycled organ in the world’s most gaudy SUV-
Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored car, developed by Russian carmaker
RussoBaltique.
The testicles of the unfortunate whale serve as air cushion bags and protect your from the kind of impacts the whale lost its organs to. That’s not true. That’s just sick. Whale balls in your face.
Apparently the idea of Whale Penis Leather Seats is not new. Onassis had his bar stools covered in them. It sounds like some folks really need to compensate for their shortcomings. But seriously, this is overkill.
The SUV also comes with 3 bottles of the world’s most expensive vodka, though they warn you to not drink and drive. I think that’s bollocks, as is the idea of separating the whale from its penis.
Penis Complex Car
Not grossed out enough? Click here for further pecker tit bits.
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Giddyap
Picture this: 3 Dwarfs dressed like jockeys riding piggy back on 3 guys racing down a track as the crowd cheers on. Welcome to the Midget Cup. Truly Tasteless Humor Aussie Style.
The event was hosted to promote Victoria State’s Annual Carnival in Melbourne. As expected the organizers were slam dunked from all corners for organizing the dwarf race. They responded with a perky half-baked apology. Stuart Laing of Racing Victoria said-
“We understand that you can’t please everyone and if anyone’s offended by the events of Sunday then we apologize to them.”
In peopleSpeak it means: Sorry we offended you… you humorless, tight-assed, whining dolts!
I hate to admit it but somewhere deep down inside in a wicked, twisted, Darth Vader dark way, I think Midget Racing is kind of funny. No really… picture it.
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There is no end to bizarre auctions. It turns out now that Elvis Presley’ s locks are going under the hammer for $8000-$12000.
These follicles date back to the time when he was drafted into the army and had to shave off his waves and side locks in favor of a proper crew cut.
Someone actually gathered these follicles. Apparently they were to be shipped off to his fans. They weren’t.
Now comes the interesting part. The auction house hasn’t done a DNA verification. Instead, they’ve got the hair verified by an expert in Celebrity Hair Authentication, who says that the hairs match the ones in his collection. How does that work? Texture? Feel? Taste? I don’t know, but he’s the expert and if he says so, so it is. Is it?
On that note, I’d like to auction off a cigarette stub. It’s genuinely mine with a light yellow silhouette that resembles either Rahul Mahajan’s pimple or Rakhi Sawan’t mole, depending on what reality show you watch. Any takers?
Hair Raiser Event
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This morning I was foxed. A notice showed the names and credentials of the State Assembly Elections Candidates for my area. Here are some of the details.
Total no. of candidates: 14
No. of graduates: 2
No. of candidates with Class X education: 5
No. of school drop outs: 7
So who do I vote for? Simple… vote for the educated guys except that 1 of them is an MNS goon.
So vote for the other guy. Sure. Except that both the graduates have pending criminal cases against them.
Now for the moment of reckoning. Potential Criminals vs. Illiterates: Who gets my vote?
Neither. I’ll spend most of tomorrow in bed. And here’s a finger to anyone who asks me to vote for change.
Here's My Vote
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Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize… for what? Not bombing anyone yet? Give him time I say. If he’s anything like the other American Presidents, I think he is still looking for a cause.
Peace on you!
The Norwegian Peace Prize committee says he got it for his attempts at curbing nuclear proliferation and reaching out to the Muslim world. Another viewpoint is that he’s been awarded the prize to encourage responsible action. Sounds weak.
Whatever the reasons maybe, most of the world agrees that it was just too soon to gauge Obama’s mettle. Here’s a list of some of the other top contenders. Who would you choose? Share your opinions here. Comments Section is open for discussion.
Just for the record the Nobel recipient receives a prize of 10 million Swedish crowns, or about $1.4 million. For a prize like that I might just refrain from kicking stupid people in the nuts.
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This is awesome. Somalian pirates fired on a French Battleship thinking it was an ordinary cargo vessel. The French retaliated by chucking grenade shaped croissants at them. Okay not true.
Read the real story here.
This reminds me of an article I read in the Times of India a couple of years ago. Apparently 3 terrorists on a bicycle went over a speed breaker in Pakistan, and their bomb went off. They were the only casualty. They were trying to blow up a mosque. What’s even crazier is that this was the second time they were going there, the first time around they forgot to carry the bomb. And I’m thinking, why spend billions on War On Terror. They’ll finish the job themselves.
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